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Tomorrow was the day she had to go. She was so speechless, and in fact worried about meeting him. She had made up her it will be just for an hour or so and nothing much. Will meet him, be there for few minutes and then leave. Now, there is nothing much to tell him. But yes, he had recreated the same sense when they spoke, then nothing more.

She had walked away and that is now over. He might have loved her once upon a time and would have stood with it against time and tide, but that does not mean he can claim me again. Will explain things to him and be back in a jiffy. This is my life that I see here and I live here.

She was strong with her decisions and nothing comes in between her mind and decision as long as she decides what she wants.

The morning is still misty and it looks like it is not March and it is still December. She gets up and goes about doing her morning rituals, takes a leisure bath and then selects a delicate yellow and orange combination chiffon sari and dresses up as if it was her last time to dress elegantly.

She looks heavenly in that sari, with her hair tied up in a bun resting on her shoulders, with matching earrings, necklace and bangles, which had red and orange stones in a row.

She tried to lock her necklace, he came from behind and helped her put the lock, binding it not slip her slippery neck.

She had not noticed him and wondered when he awoke. She looked at him and said, “Why you seem to have woken up so early?”

He replied, “When a heavenly creature like you walks up and down in front of my eyes, how can a poor human being be in his sleep and ignore.”

It was like the last romantic dialogue between them. They looked at each for long and she moved away in doubt as to what she was going to do was good enough or not.

He tells her, “Driver will drop you and wait for you, no hurry you can finish up your things and come back soon. He will wait for you there.”

She tries to avoid the driver, the car but he reluctantly makes her agree and she accepts the treatment and she has to start in few minutes. It is about a half an hour from her place.

He comes and covers her up with a shawl that is white in color, her favorite.

Taking a one big glance at the house and the person who is standing in front of her with all the love he can give her, somewhere in her heart she felt this was her last view of the things that are in front of her.

She took a long standing look at her husband and then opened the door and got into the car. She did not look back. She knew he was standing there, but when the car took the turn to the main road, she missed turning back and taking a look. She wished she could ask the driver to get back.

But, her journey towards her destination started.

Her mind starts reeling, how does he look now? Does he have lost hair, does he still look charming as he used to be, and does his smile still stop hearts?

How does he look? Her impatience takes over…and she is lost in yester years, that long glances across the corridor, the occasional glances at the cafeteria, the lonely talks on the long afternoons, the long walks on the campus, the library study hours, the notes that were shared and those beautiful memories of those college days kept coming back to her and she was in it almost that she forgot she reached the foothills of Kodaikanal and it looked like they were on a climb.

She kept looking out of the window, the breath taking beauty of the hills and the climb did not hinder her thoughts. The strong smell of pine wood and the heaviness of the air, the misty clouds, the little drizzle and looked as if they were welcoming her to the abode.

She was not bothered about the climate nor the view, she just wanted to reach and catch the first glimpse of him and have a sense of satisfaction of having seen him after all these years.

The driver says, “Madam, I think this is the place.”

On a winding way, there is a small cottage kind set up with loads of flowers and a lovely garden…which overlooks a field ready to be sowed.

She slowly looks out of the window and looks around there is no crowd, there is no people around, the place is so quite…the beautifully craved cottage with loads of woodwork looks like a real treat.

Opening the door of the car, she puts her leg down on the mud to get off. The hand that’s on the window of the car slips and she loses her balance and her feet twists a little and she lets out a cry in pain.

The driver gets alert and runs across the car to see what happened.

By then, there is a soul that peeks out of the wooden balcony finding an unusual car standing in front of his home.

He is stunned by what he is seeing, the face that had captivated him from the days of his college, is there as beautiful as ever and as if all these years did not go by…she looked the meek little girl from college.

At that instant the cry of pain reaches his ears too and he looks at the woman who in her sixties is still the same, losing balance when getting out of the car. She has not changed one bit, she is still the same girl he fell in love with.

How much he wanted to go and rush her in and help her. But he kept looking as she refused the help from the driver and with what confidence she walks into the footsteps of the house, with her head held high and the air of being someone important without even making an effort to call for her importance.

The same innocence, the same carelessness, the accident prone habit, the restlessness, the same confidence, the leisure no hurried walk, she hasn’t changed one bit in years.

His heart started beating faster than usual and he smiled at his state even at the age of sixty she could do wonders to him, is it in her or him, he wondered. With that thought he ran down the fleet stairs that took him to the drawing hall on the level below.

(…to be continued)

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But, looks like fate is not happy with my growth, I am at the mode of life again from where I ran. I am at the same cross roads from where I can run no more. There is no strength in me to run any further, I have to take the path I haven’t gone.

It looks like now I have to definitely dread the path I have not taken. I am indebted to this person who has stayed in oblivion for nothing that was his and still held on it as if nothing else mattered to him and he was only interested what was dear to him to sustain the wilderness of life.

Oh! What did I do to get the best of two worlds, here is one man who has lived all his life in hope and despair, another one who has been the exemplary in relationship that I have never felt pressurized and felt almost living like an individual.

Balu, what did I do? What should I do now? I feel I should go see this person and give him the answer for his wait; it has been almost 25 years of wait.  It has been 25 long years of wait in hope for one single instance in life that can fill him with all that he can gather in that one instance. How am I to repay his love and gravity that he has shown towards to me?

She briskly walks up to the cupboard and looks inside her clothes and from underneath she pulls out a brown envelop and brings it to him.

With an uncertain look on her face, she entrusts the envelop towards him and looks at him forlornly. He reluctantly takes the cover from her. He does not want to do anything, he just lets everything go through the window and shut his brain, he wanted to undo the hearing of the 45 minutes of conversation, just hug her tight and never let her go away from him.

But then, he put his hand forward takes it and slowly hesitatingly opens the cover. There is dead silence and it seems to loom larger than the conversation that they just had. On opening, he finds a card, which just reads what it read…!

Welcome to my ‘Abode of Love’

12.03.2036, 6.00 am

I invite you to my abode of love and waiting for your presence to fill this place with all the love and pleasure that I had missing.

I don’t know whether you would come or not, I am still here.

He drops to the bed with uncontrollable anger and frustration, how dare he call my wife? Who asked him to wait and for what is he waiting? Why the hell is he waiting? He might have loved her, but now she is my ‘WIFE’, does he want to prove, he loves her more than me? What does he want now, why is he disturbing my life?

He looks at her, she is standing there without any hope and he can see the despair in her eyes and her drooping with pain and uncontrollable pleasure of having fallen in with such a person.

She is quite and looking at him, there is plead and understanding in her eyes, what do I tell her? Is she asking for permission or is she telling me what she is about to do?

Oh! God what do I do now? Do the same her parents did or let her go? I don’t want her to go? If she goes, will she forget me completely? Will she not miss me? Will she not love me again? What kind of tragedy is this with my life? How am I to support?

Getting up slowly from the bed, looking at her sternly taking in a deep breath, he says, “This is day after tomorrow, mentioning the card date…You want to go and come, please do go and come.” He finished as a matter of fact.

She could not believe what she heard, in an instant she felt the world slip away and also happy that she could not go meet him eye-to-eye.

She did not know what reaction was right now. Still in disbelief, she looked at him.

He said again, “If you want to go meet him and come back I am ok with it. Just that I wanted to tell you this much that, a momentary silence took her breath away…I…I…Love…you just the same and there is no change in it.”

She wanted to run into his arms and rest her head on his shoulders, but with such a request she was not sure what to do? There was a moment of awkwardness, she had already taken a step and he had looked at her and took his arms forward to grasp her…!

In that moment, both of the lost their will and not knowing when the first move happened, they were in a tight embrace that seemed to stop time and the world.

The day dawned and they realized they haven’t winked their eyes even for a minute. The sound of the birds chirping they left embrace and moved on to do the regular rituals of the day. Each moved with a heavy heart around the house and was lost in their own world and wondered if each one of them had given each enough room that one single step can spoil the relationship.

But a decision is a decision and once done, they both were reluctant to give it and they stuck to their grounds.

They slowly waited for something drastic to happen so that they don’t have to go through what they were going on.

(…to be continued)

Filed under: Commemoration, Romance, Short Stories, Weekend | 1 Comment »

He was ready to listen to her; he turned himself towards her and was attentive to every word she had to utter.

She took a long enduring look at him and slowly opened the past to him, that was hidden under the rocks of her heart forever fossilized and never once upturned in the past 25 years or so. Will he believe me when I say thus?

“Balu, listen to me carefully and I know you won’t interrupt me in between but, trust me what I am going to say is bitter truth and never would have betrayed even once till today.” and looks into the eyes that are starting her.

“Kayal, I know…you don’t have to tell me all this. Just go on.”

It has been years and I don’t know where to start. Let me tell you (a long silence)…I was in love before you came into my life and I had a fleeting moment of despair before I got married to you.

I had been in college and I was fascinated by this senior of mine, who also reciprocated my feeling. Never, had I known that my parents would come in between my choice and let me despair in the agony that brought to my heart, when I could not go against them nor go against him and was surrounded by uncertainty and he waiting for me on those hill top.

Till that time in my life never have I gone through so much of agony, pain and helplessness, when I ran away from his sight that I always loved to see.

His assurance of waiting, his sound of disbelief, his test against time, his steadfastness that frightened me…I ran…as fast as I could…I ran into the arms of my mother and have cried in silence so many nights and my own did not believe me and support me.

He was unsure of what he was hearing, he kept hearing it. He did not expect there might something like this that could have gone wrong with her. Not that she isn’t a beauty; she is a good looking smart woman. But, her parents becoming a coz of her struggle did not make sense. How could they do this to the kid, they always had a soft corner for her and her dad had almost pleaded with him to put up with all her tantrums and give her the support that she requires?

In spite of this entire he had not even given this girl the consideration of her choice. Surprising, how he had expected me to do all that he could had done and made her happy from what she seems to be here in this relationship.  Being lost in his own thoughts he was losing the grip of the conversation she was making. Regaining himself he got ready once more to listen to her with intend to see what more shocks were left for him for that particular day.

I was fighting a war that I had lost even before starting. I had lost it even before I could place my arguments. I could not do anything about it. I was not supposed to even talk about the things I liked and all my likes turned to dislike. I had wished I had let go of the life that is there beating within me. I was so depressed and dejected in life.

Every night I used to hear his voice resounding with the words – “I will wait for you” I will wait for you ever and I will love till the end…” it kept beating into my brain, eating into my life, I could not do anything …I just wept, wept and wept.

Then, months rolled into years and you came along. At first, my parents were considerate, but when I showed reluctance to marriage they turned against me and forced me to endure more. I was forced to accept what they say and do and it looked as if I did not have any choice for life.

You came along with so much of promise to my parents that they did not want to let you go and they kept on forcing me to see you and give them accordance to the proposal they were putting up. My mind and my body was not prepared for a relationship. I know somebody is waiting for me, I can’t go there and I can’t be here too.

It was like hell…I did not know what to do. I could not bear the tortured that I was going through. Finally, one day I said, “What is done is done, let me go ahead with the tide of time and fate and see what is in store for me, anyway I don’t have anything more to do.”

I had lost all hope in life and then I agreed to meet you.

You remember when I came to meet you. I was so quiet and did not answer anything unless asked for. I liked you by appearance, but did not want know what I wanted, I was so confused and I just did what I was asked for.

I kept wondering from that day how come someone like me from one sight. I wasn’t that beautiful and attractive, I was so simple and when you said, “I like the way you are, you don’t have to change a thing for me, come into my life as you are.”

I was lost for words. Something inside me churned that day; maybe I was looking for someone to say that to me. Probably, if my mother had said that to me, I would not have been so rigid and would have given up my struggles and been happy with what she had to offer.

He just looked at her and gave her the same smile he gave her on that same day. He wondered now, why did he say that, he hasn’t found a clue to it. But, he said that to her, coz somewhere his heart prompted him to do so and now he was definite, he had said the right thing to her. Poor soul was so beaten he did not, though he had always kept wondering she has something hidden.

I kept weeping for long and gave my consent and then within a couple of months my marriage with you was arranged.

I am sorry; I should have told you all this back then. But, I was afraid I will be put through the same hell. I am not prepared for any kind of torture, I just wanted to be myself and do things that I always wanted to do.

Since, this senior of mine coincided with my life, the ambitions in life, the individuality that I longed for, the independence, the experience of a working lady, all the things I loved to do went for a toss and I remained a lifeless doll, listening to people and doing things they wanted to see.

I hated life and dragged myself to the life that I tied to you.

At first, I was afraid of you too. But, you were too good, that you turned a new leaf for me. You gave me all that I lost, you gave me the independence that I always longed for, the independence to do what I wanted, liked and this gave me a new leaf inside me. I started to bloom slowly and I became quite comfortable with you being around and there was life back into me.

He went into his thinking here; he was reminded of his initial days of marriage. The amount of understanding he had to with her. He had wanted her to be more open, make rightful and delightful conversations with him. She always kept to herself; she never spoke more than asked for, just the required amount of laughter and speech, nothing more or less. She did her duties as a wife without a question; she was so always ready with whatever he could ask for.

It took a long time for her to turn around and take control of things and she slowly started opening up and doing what she wanted and also asking for things she liked rather than accept what was given to her.

The various trips that they did to his in-laws place to keep her happy, thinking she was missing them. The number of trips that they did together outside also helped him to get to know where more without even her telling him what she likes and dislikes.  He was confused she looked more relaxed outside than at her home and he had enjoyed the importance she was giving him in her life.

Now, all that had a reason. Hmm…wondering so much she had to undergo, she could have told me about it. But what has happened is happened; you make a compromise with life and continue rather than fighting with it each day. I wish, I had known what she was going through, but I should appreciate she not for let me know that she was going through so much of emotional turmoil, thought he still listening to her.

I weaved my life around you and I started living with all that thrown to me with great taste and did my duties and carried on. I carried it on so well, that I no longer felt being a burden.  I got pregnant and gave birth to two kids, my life grew, I started working on my own, I did offer opportunities to the people in trouble, and I was all that I could imagine for.

(..to be continued)

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